My Little Secret World

Random thoughts

Thursday, August 22, 2013 • 5:29 PM • 0 comments

I am so boring at work. Sometimes really don have anything to do so i tends to browse throught the web and it always leads to online shopping. Cant withstand temptation~~ Haiz.

Met up with my yr 2 sem 1 studying mate, Gareth. Everytime meet him will cause mindfuck. Cause the things tt he say really is like wat an asshole will say. But sadly, we had been through from hating the same person in class to being studymate and now, close friend where he will try his way to stay in my life by keep asking me wen can meet him every one a week or every two weeks.

Tt is wat i called friends tt will try their means to stay in ur life which u will need to resort to keep asking so many times until u ownself feel like begging and you will start to question urself, "why am i doing this kind of thing? it is like so pathetic."

To Gareth, i can be considered one of the ppl tt he keep in contact after our poly days. I was also the one who will go out without asking so many times and not like those who drag n drag to reply or some who cant be bothered to reply at all. Not to brag but is truth, is what he told me personally too. Although the way we talk seems weird to others, sometimes i will also wonder how come our topics always so weird but generally, we tend to talk abt everything. His life isnt tt much "exciting" as mine so most of the time, it will be me who is talking. He will then add water,oil,fire,salt, watever u call it after tt. Is funny, irritating but yet form a bond tt others couldnt break. :)

Came across a saying "Letting go doesnt mean giving up but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be or wont be. Heart always need more time to accept what mind already know."

Actually long ago, baby and me alr know tt the clique tt i trying so hard to keep intact will be going down anytime. Is just me who stupidly thinks tt so long i put in effort and try my best to organise gathering, think of ideas to make everybody happy or enjoy, everything will be fine. But baby asked me y i wanna do so much for them. I don exactly know the answer but i believe so long i will true to them, they will do the same. They will appreciate me like how i appreciated them. Well, things doesnt always go the way we want. I truely experience it this time round. Is just like my mind alr know it but my heart choose to ignore it. My heart and mind is always fighting and tt is the reason sometimes my actions can be contradicting too. In my case, my letting go is considered as giving up cause i really cant continue to do it anymore. I m a human, i will get sick and tired of the same shit. So, right now, i just wanna keep things tt how it is. Like baby say, they wont contact us one cause we arent tt important to them tt we think we are. I told him i don wan to if even there will be 0.0000001% chance tt they really did. I don wanna repeat it again.

Life still goes on with or without them. Is just how we are going to adapt to it and how we ownself make the effort to make our life better. So now, those who wanna stay will find their own ways to stay in my/our life, I don wan to be the stupid one who willingly did so much to stay in other ppl's life whereas they don give a fuck abt it.

End of emo things, i am trying to find part time jobs tt i can work after my work since baby will be having tution most of the time and i can use the time to earn extra money. Had a interview for assistant tutor near my workplace next week. Considering it cause I am having a gathering with my E35M peeps. Super loved them. Glad tt we all can match a date tt Jaime (busy woman) can make it. She just open her own education school(program), watever she called it, so she is so busy. Thinking she might need our help at this point of time so maybe i will go help her if she need my help. Give her my priority first before i consider the assistant job.

Cant wait for a weekend with baby and our friends :) & next week with the E35M lovelies. Hope they can chase away my Monday blues~

Till then......

PAST • FUTURE